Rules: 1) Don't be a doofus 2) that's it So I had the almighty honor of playing Spyro: enter the dragonfly as a kid and it was the greatest thing that I ever played. I am kidding (sort of) but this game was something special to talk about. I still own this game today and I dare not touch it now because I might catch the plague touching it. The intro so after a brief period of me drooling and staring at the loading screen I came to the main menu and it was the lamest thing I ever saw. there was a ninja guy getting slapped around by spyro and a firefly (sparks is it?) making noises in the background. I didn't think much of it and instead started to fiddle around with the menu. a full hardy two options to choose from. options and start the game. I picked start the game and got to make a save file before the game even started. so I started and a cut scene happened after two loading screens and than I started to get confused. "huh" I thought "I put in spyro: enter the rectum cavity, not deleted scenes from food fight that got left on the air vent and melted a bit". it opens with someone screaming at the camera. maybe he was screaming at the stiff animations and thought corpses came to life. anyway nothing happens for awhile and then ripto (who burned alive in lava in a previous game mind you) shows up and lets his jaw flap for about 10 minutes too long and after another loading screen I see sparks? teleported into a giant room thingy. so off to fuck up ripto The bugs the big highlight of this circus. this game was buggy from the get go. I play for awhile and got stuck falling in a sky dojo place. afterwards I find a secret dragon encased in ice. and by secret I mean just sitting in the middle of a little oriental gazebo in front of the place. I play for about an hour and I unlocked a new area. some redneck farm area. anyway some farmer wants me to stop aliens from taking his cows or some shit. and I get to witness quality dialogue in this game. here's a legit conversation I had in-game: farmer: ... spyro: ... farmer: ... spyro: what? (no sound byte) spyro: what? farmer: exactly! (no connection to any prior conversation either) Top notch anyway after sometime passing and me still putting up with loading screens I reach the end of the game. by falling into the water, hovering around, and fazing into the last boss area. I kick the shit out of ripto, beat the game, look at the corpse of a squashed firefly and it stops. the verdict its shit, don't play it.
Spyro 4 isn't good but I wouldn't call it the worst game I've ever played by any means, I remember the game I was most annoyed at as a kid was probably lemmings. Worst of all time is probably some awful newgrounds game.
I know lots of games that are awfull, boring, broken... And that list would be huge, believe me. Most of that list would be filled with some "Russian" games, so Im deffinetly not gonna think bout those ones (Thank god). I'll take something that everyone would've played or knew at some point. *** There are two games on my mind right now (since I can't remember the other ones): "Rage", and "StarWars Episode I: The Phantom Menace". "Rage" was one of the "big" titles from id Software, that came out in 2011 and was hyped beyond believe. Well... it was supposed to be big, since at that time, after Doom 3 - nothing was coming out from them (exept Quake Live in 2010). And the grafix of that game were astounding for that year, so no wonder everyone got hyped up so much. And... im really sorry for those folks that actually bought it. First problem that pops up in the game - bugs and glitches at launch. Grafical glitches, mostly. You would need to do tons of manipulations, try out hundreds of patches (that were coming out from "id" almost daily) and try out diffirent setups and options, before you can actually play it. And after that's done, the second problem pops up - The game is kinda linear. Yes, you have side missions. Yes, you have a car. Yes, you have a fredom of choice. But why should you? Waste your time roaming round looking for things is not rewarded in any way, shape or form? And im not even gonna complain about how small the map is. There is nothing to look after. And the third, most biggest problem this game has - Its too fucking short. Seriously. I was fucking around with the game for about 2 days, trying to make it work propperly, but the main campain (lets call it that) was only 4-6 hours long! And no sidemissions or minigames can even 1 hour to that! The story and plot was terrible, and the ending just leaves you with nothing. You just watch some strange cutscene, listen to some strange naration and... the game ends. Without any explanation or reward. You can't even continue from that point... And who would continue playing this shit after that? In the end, the game was a serious waste of time, nerves, and money (for some (and im excluded)). A nice looking apple with a rotten core. *** Now, "The Phantome Menace"... It has no problems. The game IS a problem. One big fucking problem. If you didn't play the game - dont. I was a stupid child when I was playing it, so I knew no hate or joy towards it, since it was completly unfair and stupid. It was made around 1999-2000, and its (I think) was made firstly for consoles, then remade for PC. And It was something... The game follows original StarWars Episode I story, but sometimes it tries to pull off something out of nowhere, just to ramp up the game's lenght. You could see some famous scenes from the movie at some point, and then game goes complete 180 and shows you something that... might not be even existing in a StarWars lore. And that it's first problem... But its nothing compared to the other ones. The most obvious problem with the game is that it has The "Tank" controls. You can't strafe, dodge, and you turn with the speed of a drunk mammoth. There is some kind of autoaim integrated, in case you need to shoot someone slightly above, below or to the side, but it all goes to shit when you have a sword (or some other melee weapon). If someone atacks your back - you're boned, especially if that "someone" uses a melee weapon. The other, third problem I might point out it its camera angle. Yes, the camera is the most evil thing about this game, since it always on top and behind yuor character, looking diagonaly in front. In other words: If a 3-d person shooter camera and top-down shooter camera had a baby - this is what would come out. And its also zoomed weirdly zoomed, so you can't see what's in front of you most of the time. Just... Spoiler: here. Take it as a visual explanation. And the worst about this game... The part that I hate the most... More that 50% of this game is... platforming. And not just "platorming", but "pixel-recise platforming". Literally every time you need to encounter one of those platforming elements, where you need to jump from place to place in order to proceed, or jump over deadly pits and traps. And its not like you can avoid them either. Sometimes you NEED to jump somewhere. And you will fail time and time again while doing so. It makes this game frustratingly hard beyond believe. It makes you end your suffering by jumping into a noose. It destroys your soul, even when you complete one of those jumps, since you know that there are another dosen or so of such jumps that wait for you in the level. *** And that's all I can remember. Or write about. Or think about. If you want to try them out - pirate them. Noone would judge you for doing so.
Gulman? Hah! There are games worse than Gulman, you know. Some even call them "unfinished" But I dont want to write an essay about another crappy game =3=
