Humor and joke thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Dawson, Jul 14, 2014.

  1. Dawson

    Dawson Veteran Member Staff Member Admin

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    Decided to create a thread for anyone wanting a good chuckle or laugh. Quite simple, really: post anything humorous that you might have seen or heard on the internet or from elsewhere. Refrain from posting anything having to do with pornography, racism, extreme vulgarity, or anything else inappropriate. Keep it clean, please.

    *I'll add some that I've found online when I have the chance to today.*
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2014
    #1
  2. Bayrock

    Bayrock Founder & Developer Staff Member Founder

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    I slept like a log last night.. and woke up in a forest.
     
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  3. Mango

    Mango The Australian Down Under Gold VIP

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    IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
    AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

    IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
    AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

    IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
    AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

    IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
    AT WORK............you're often required to carry a security card and open all the doors yourself.

    IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
    AT WORK...........you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

    IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
    AT WORK..........you share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

    IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
    AT WORK............you're not supposed to even speak to your family.

    IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers.
    AT WORK............you pay all your expenses to get to work, and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

    IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
    AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

    IN PRISON .you must deal with sadistic wardens.
    AT WORK...........they're called managers.
     
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  4. Rick

    Rick female nipple Gold VIP

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    Abortion really brings out the child in me.
     
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  5. Decap

    Decap Super Radman

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    Have you guys heard about that Constipation movie? It hasn't come out yet though.
     
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  6. Rick

    Rick female nipple Gold VIP

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    Date fat girls because there's more to love.
    Date skinny girls because you can hold them closer to your heart.
    And date the disabled because they can't run away.
     
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  7. Sync

    Sync Dedicated Member

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    ^Be me 11 years old
    ^See this girl I like tell her I like her
    ^She says she likes me back and to meet here under the slide on the playground.
    ^Meet her and she says to take my pants off
    ^I don't know why but then she starts to touch my special square
    ^Feelsgoodman.jpg
    ^Tell my parents how cool it was on the playground
    ^Parents freak out and call the cops
    ^Never saw Mrs. Albertson since that, I miss her.
     
    #7
  8. Rick

    Rick female nipple Gold VIP

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    >Be me
    >See you do up arrows instead of fucking greentext arrows
    >Question humanity
     
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  9. Sync

    Sync Dedicated Member

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    > Be me
    > On mobile takes like 3 menus to find the greentext arrow.
     
    #9
  10. Decap

    Decap Super Radman

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    bro have you ever tried to triforce on mobile??
     
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  11. Sync

    Sync Dedicated Member

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  12. Rick

    Rick female nipple Gold VIP

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    Bayrock, let us triforce
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2014
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  13. Skittles

    Skittles Taco Hater

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    What does a forest always have? A Trap.
     
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  14. Expanix

    Expanix Community Member

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    Broken pencils are pointless
     
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  15. Rick

    Rick female nipple Gold VIP

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    i have clinical depression
     
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  16. Skittles

    Skittles Taco Hater

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    Now is that under humor or joke?
     
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  17. Rick

    Rick female nipple Gold VIP

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    I genuinely want to die help me my body is without life or hope
     
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  18. Skittles

    Skittles Taco Hater

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    Okay i'm guessing this one is humor?
     
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  19. Rick

    Rick female nipple Gold VIP

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    I want to fucking die Skittles kill me please I'm suffering
     
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  20. Skittles

    Skittles Taco Hater

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    I'm not the person for the job.
     
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